No matter how bad things are at any one moment, no moment lasts. Time moves on, and so must we. — Kris Kristofferson
On December 26th, just about every year, The Clark Family packs up the family wagon and makes the 500 mile trek from Washington, DC to my parent’s farmhouse in Londonderry, New Hampshire. The packing, the organizing and the driving are always an adventure, but the trip ten years ago was in a league of its own.
We slept in that morning, slightly exhausted from a night of Christmas revelry. Bleary-eyed, I frantically organized the car while my wife rallied the troops out of their beds. As per usual, we had enough clothes and gear for a family of twenty, and a huge stack of presents to transport up North. But I had a system of loading all the clothes and accessories into the SUV while leveraging the “turtle top” ( car top luggage carrier) for all the presents.
The turtle top is designed to be aerodynamic, with the “skinny” part facing the front. But in my haste, I fastened the carrier on backwards, and, to add insult to injury, failed to securely latch the lock. As we piled the kids into the car, my wife glanced up at the roof of the car.
“That doesn’t look right.”
“It’s fine. We’re late. Let’s go.”
We exited our neighborhood and made a left hand turn on to highly trafficked Tuckerman Lane. As the car gathered speed, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. Mission accomplished. But the feeling was short-lived.
WHUMP!
It was like a bomb had gone off in the car. I slammed on the brakes and glanced in the rearview mirror to witness the carnage. Our turtle top had flown open, ripped the mounting racks off the top of the car and strewn our presents all over the busy road. We were .2 miles into our 500-mile trek and the prognosis for a serene family road trip did not look good.
Still in shock, I stepped into the frigid air, gathered as many of the presents as I could, and feebly trudged back toward the car. As I jammed the broken pieces of the turtle top and the presents into the back, someone from the front muttered.
“You might be the worst of the worst!”
Serenity now!
It was a low moment for sure. And I still distinctly remember thinking there was no way to ever recover. But what seemed to be a permanent condition, turned out to be a small blip on the radar. We retrieved all the presents. We discarded the broken turtle top. We fit everything into the car. And we continued our trek up North. What I thought was the lowest moment of my life is now a hilarious family story shared with nostalgia. Remember the good ol’ days when dad almost ruined Christmas!
And stepping back in the moment to take that long-term perspective of our blips and failures is one of the keys to building a resilient life.
Perspective is Our Friend
We have all experienced those low moments. A botched presentation. A poor investment choice. A disastrous career move. A blunder in the office. An error on the playing field. An embarrassing time on a date. In the moment, the swirling cascade of negative thoughts is a powerful force. And the negativity tends to spiral toward other areas of our life as well. We lose all perspective and think we are “cursed”. We make snap decisions that only further exacerbate the problem. But we need to step back and take a breath!
We tend to be our own worst critics in the moment. But as difficult as it is to imagine, most of our mistakes and poor decisions do not define our lives. While we may feel like “the worst of the worst” while our world is collapsing, perspective is a powerful ally. People forget. People forgive. People move on. It is important to channel that same compassion and forgiveness inward. Leave the past in the past and move forward.
Let’s Give Ourselves a Break
Granted, there are some tragedies that stay with us throughout the course of our lives. Not all blips become nostalgic family fodder at the dinner table. Not everything warrants rosy retrospection. But maintaining perspective in the moment crystalizes our resilience, regardless of the scope of the calamity. We realize the event will look different in the future. We realize this is the moment when the uncomfortable spotlight shines brightest. And we stay calm, buoyed by the fact that most things get better through the prism of time.
It’s time to give ourselves a break. There is nothing we have done that can’t be undone. And we have to recognize that the future holds incredible promise. Even if we might feel like the worst of the worst at this particular moment.