I have attended a fair number of funerals lately and it still amazes me how loved ones can deliver such insightful and eloquent remarks in their time of grief. In these eulogies, we are presented with a window into the sometimes ordinary but always remarkable life of the deceased. The eulogy also serves the dual purpose of honoring a tremendous life while easing the pain of those left behind to mourn. There is something beautiful and poetic about offering the final testimony of our journey here on earth. If there is ever a time for ultimate perspective, this is the moment. Too bad we won’t be around to witness it!
So why not live our lives with this final perspective in mind? Little decisions we make along the way may not seem important, but cumulatively they form our character and impact those around us. Before acting, remember what others would say in your eulogy. In our work lives, it can be tempting to get ahead by misrepresenting your product or offering advice that is not in the best interests of your client. You may get a short term win in the form of a new client or a big sale. But would you want someone retelling that story to your grandchildren at your funeral? We may be too focused on our own career to mentor a new employee or to help a struggling colleague. Is that the legacy you want to leave with your organization?
In our personal lives, financial struggles and other pressures can sap our energy and take our attention and focus away from our spouse or children. It is important to work hard and build the best life possible. But at your funeral, no one is going to talk about the size of your house or the number of cars you kept in the garage. In the end, your family relationships and close friends will be all that matter. We must keep that long-term perspective in mind while fighting the tumultuous storms of the present.
You have an opportunity to positively impact so many lives through your actions. Treat your clients with respect and dignity. Mentor a colleague so they can flourish in their new role. (After all, somebody helped you along your own journey.) Most importantly, work hard but do not lose sight of the close relationships with your friends and family. These cannot be taken for granted. These will be your legacy.
But what happens if we make a mistake along the way? Will we be vilified at our own funeral? Of course not! Nobody is perfect and we should not expect this of others or ourselves. At some point, you are bound to stumble. That is okay. You will be judged more for how you respond to your mistakes. Did you take responsibility for your actions and apologize? Did you learn from the incident and ensure it will never happen again? Did you gain valuable perspective and an understanding of how lucky you are to have friends and family to help you through the difficult time? If you want to live a resilient life, it is not just about experiencing adversity. It is about how you react to adversity! These setbacks can define your life even more than your greatest triumphs.
Stepping up and taking responsibility is one of the most courageous things you can do. Embracing the teaching moment by not allowing it to happen again is the definition of character. Use these stumbling blocks as an opportunity to create an inspirational, redemptive legacy. As long as your setbacks do not impact your close relationships, they will be a blip on the radar of your life.
To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die. – Thomas Campbell
We were not put on this earth to live small. Work hard, dream big, love deeply and create an extraordinary life. But remember to keep your perspective along the way. Financial security is important and a noble goal but do not jeopardize your relationships to achieve this. If we maintain healthy, loving relationships, we have lived an extraordinary life. If we help and mentor our colleagues, friends, and family, we have lived an extraordinary life. If we make some mistakes along the way, but take ownership and responsibility for our actions, we have lived an extraordinary life.
Before acting, think about what people would say about you at your funeral. Let this principle guide your actions and impact your decisions. Stay positive! Maintain your resiliency! Keep your priorities straight! Your close family and friends will be there for you in the end. So start living your epic eulogy in the present.
Until next week, keep smiling!
I actually appreciate you being brave enough to talk about this subject.. I do not like funerals but I usually feel I have learned something about the person I did not know – something about myself and life. Funerals are deep water. I agree with you. ‘Why not live our lives with this final perspective?’. For me, I want people to say good things about how I lived but most important to me is to know that my Heavenly Father is pleased when we meet face to face.
Thanks, Mel. Appreciate the kind words and well said.
What a great article! I think a good eulogy is a great gift to everyone at a funeral. I often wish that I had a hardcover book… Not of famous peoples eulogys, but rather our own Heros … Our best friends dad, mom or our friend who has died too soon. Love your blog. Will be a regular reader…
Thanks, Amy! That book is a great idea and in line with the sentiment this blog. We don’t have to look too far to find remarkable people.
Great job on a very interesting concept. For sure Rob Clark’s eulogy will be filled with all the positive attributes mentioned in the post; but most especially his gift for writing. (I hope that eulogy is many many years from now)
BTW-big grin on Mark Quinn’s face for today’s topic!
Thanks, Karen. Absolutely, hope it is many years from now as well. Glad the “living eulogy” became a reality for Mark!
Robert, I try to read all your writings but I dont always comment. Your gift for words is beautiful and our gift is you. You are very special in so many ways, and my prayer is that I will leave behind a legacy of giving to others and walk in Christ’s path as best as I can as a human being. God Bless you for your time, talent and energies to bring these thoughts to our minds which give us insight and peace. Love You, Catherine
Wow. Thanks, Kitty! I know it is not easy to share comments and I appreciate you taking the time to do it. This inspires me to keep going!
Loved this and that is exactly what I always say to myself after a funeral – ” I wonder what will be said at my funeral?” I literally can go through each member of my immediate family and try to imagine what they would say about me.. would Stefan say I was the greatest wife ever ? 🙂 It always pauses me to do a bit of self reflection. I have been dubbed the ” funeral lady” by my kids as I feel it is my duty to get myself to every one of those remembrances – near or far. And though many are dreadfully sad I am more than not leaving the service inspired – inspired to do better, live better, love better because of what I just heard about the deceased life or simply witnessing the love of a family and a community supporting one another during their time of grief.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts – we are on the same page!
I love it Kathy! Those moments of perspective are so important. It’s so easy to get caught up in “tasks” and to-dos” and miss the big picture. Well done, funeral lady!