Never treat your audience as customers, always as partners. –Jimmy Stewart
Coaching youth sports has been one of the most satisfying endeavors of my life. And over the years, I have taken away more life lessons than I could possibly imagine. But, as with any great journey in life, not all of the lessons have been easy.
I had coached my son in football, and felt confident in the formations and the general strategy. But when I switched over to coach my daughter’s second grade soccer team, I felt like the Ted Lasso of the CYO. I hadn’t played soccer in years, and didn’t really understand spacing and the flow of the game. So I decided to dive in head first. YouTube videos. Practice plan templates. Interviews with former players. I was loaded for bear.
The practices were scripted and organized. I concentrated on the technical side of the game. The kids didn’t seem to be having much fun but they would be prepared! When the first game day finally arrived, I had my clipboard, whistle, and game plan. That’s it. Another parent had brought cupcakes for after the game. I set them aside and gathered the team around me for far more important instruction.
“Okay, we’re gonna run the 3-3-2. Defense, if the ball is on the right coming towards our goal, which way do we stack?”
Crickets.
“We stack to the left to even out the space! Okay, offense, do we use our instep when advancing the ball to the middle?”
Blank stares.
“Anyone?”
Blinking eyes. General disinterest.
“Okay, does anyone have any questions about anything?”
After a few seconds of painful silence, a little girl slowly raised her hand. Finally, someone was paying attention!
“Coach, what flavor are the cupcakes for after the game?”
Long sigh. Ugh.
It was a painful lesson. I was far too regimented. These were 8 year old girls and, for them, it began and ended with the cupcakes. I never communicated with the team in a way they could understand. And that ability to meet our team and audience on their level is one of the keys to communication and resilience.
Put Your Audience First
As entrepreneurs and managers, we have to execute on a vision and a plan. But that plan is meaningless unless our team buys into it. True communication does not come from talking down to someone. It does not come from memorizing slogans or regurgitating principles from a text book. In order to truly influence our team, we have to understand what motivates them. We have to understand their tendencies and goals and put them in a position to maximize their potential. And that can only happen if we take the time to understand their perspective and communicate on their level.
And the same is true in our personal lives. We want to prove to our spouse or significant that we are right. We want our children to understand the bigger picture and take pride in the little things. It is very easy to try and impose our will and force the conversation. If we talk louder and more demonstratively, that will surely emphasize our point. But how effective is that over the long run? There are times we have to step back and put ourselves in the shoes of the other person. What do they care about? What will help them achieve happiness? Leadership comes from putting our audience first.
Perspective is Everything
That is not say we should be pushovers. We have a vision and our leadership skills matter. Sometimes our audience needs to be led from the front. Sometimes, we have to shake the trees to ward off complacency and apathy. We should be proud to share our perspective.
But resilience is built on trust and communication. Organizations and individuals are far more likely to recover from a setback if they feel valued. And that comes from communicating to our team (and family!) on their level. That comes from treating our audience like partners. That comes from understanding and caring about the individuals that make up our team. That comes from understanding that everyone has a different perspective.
Sometimes, a simple strawberry cupcake is all we need to stay resilient.