I generally find that comparison puts us on a fast track to unhappiness. — Jack Canfield
Living in Santa Monica, California in the late 90s was a whirlwind of sunshine, adventure, good times, and good friends. With views of the ocean, and the mountains tumbling away to form beautiful canyons, it was hard NOT to enjoy the great outdoors. And with year-round sunshine, going for long jogs along The Strand, across the beach, and through those canyons was a daily routine.
My friend Tom Reyes was down in Manhattan Beach, and doing a bit of running on his own. He was in the beer business, which came with all kinds of amazing perks, not the least of which was sponsoring various road races throughout Southern California. One such race was the majestic Asahi Redondo Beach 10k. Winding along the shore and through the streets of downtown Redondo, it offered sweeping views of the cliffs and an after-party chock full of refreshing beverages. It also attracted elite runners from all over the world!
Unbeknownst to us, as part of the sponsorship, Tom and I were escorted to a spot in front of the official start line. We were a couple of very average runners dressed in cargo shorts and our cleanest dirty shirts. We were fish out of water compared to the sleek marathon runners and high-altitude trained Kenyans recruited for this race. Nevertheless, it was a thrill to be in front of the pack and our adrenaline was pumping as the starter pistol signaled the kickoff to this iconic race. But the good vibes didn’t last long.
We were immediately trampled by the elite runners who took off in a dead sprint right out of the gate. And, to add insult to injury, we were then jostled aside by the “regular” runners who were keen to make a name for themselves amidst this exclusive competition. Finally getting my bearings after the hysterical start, I looked over at my buddy who was still dazed and confused.
“I think I have tread marks on my back. I’ve never been passed by so many people in my life!”
Me either!
After the race, we commiserated about the chaotic beginning and recalled how depressing it was to be cast aside by so many people. We felt like total failures in comparison to the professional runners and elite competitors of Redondo. But as we drowned our sorrows at the finish line, the official times came in. We had each raced our personal best and finished way higher in the pack than we could have ever imagined. If we had set realistic goals at the beginning of the race, we would have been overjoyed by the results. But because our frame of reference was skewed toward an unrealistic baseline, we felt a sense of defeat and depression
And don’t we all have to avoid that same unrealistic comparison in our everyday lives?
Patience Breeds Resilience
In our work lives, it is great to have mentors to emulate as we work our way up in our careers. Everyone needs a North Star to help chart a path to success. But we have to be careful about comparing ourselves to unrealistic models. The all-star salesperson didn’t always have a knack for closing deals. The successful entrepreneur didn’t always have confidence in his or her decisions. The tenured professor didn’t always have command of the subject matter. The decorated athlete didn’t always win every game.
It takes time to find our stride and our true calling. There will be false starts, failures, and a mixed bag of results as we learn and grow, and work our way toward the front of the line. We can’t expect to lead out of the gates wire to wire. Reaching elite status is a journey filled with detours and wrong turns. We will often feel those tread marks on our backs. But with enough patience and resilience, we will power through and shake off the initial adversity. And soon the sea will part and our own moment will come!
We Have to Run Our Own Race
Comparison cuts both ways. Oftentimes, we choose to compare ourselves with someone who is in a completely different league. And instead of inspiring us, it leads to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. And that can be a recipe for apathy and inaction.
We have to track progress against our own goals. It’s all about achieving a personal best. We can’t let someone else speed us up or slow us down. Because at the end of the day, we have to run our own race.
My buddy and I were passed by more people than you can possibly imagine. We were trampled by a pack of elite runners! But it should have never been about them. Our measure of success should have been pointed toward our own goals. That is the key to constant improvement. That is the key to leading a resilient life!