Success finally came my way when I got over the fear that I didn’t belong. –Steve Buscemi

Believe it or not, when I first picked up golf in my late twenties, I was even worse than I am now (Didn’t think that was possible, did you?).  Every time I made it to the driving range, I couldn’t help but think that everyone was staring at me.  I would hit terrible shot after terrible shot, feeling I was the only one not striping the ball 300 yards down the middle.  It got so bad that eventually I would practice only when I was sure no one else was around.  I just didn’t belong with all those other great golfers.

But one morning, while muddling through my solitary routine, three other golfers appeared out of nowhere.  I felt claustrophobic and tense and immediately started hitting the worst shots of my life (and that is saying something!).  I was certain they were chronicling my every misfire and would all have some good laughs at my expense later that day.  After a complete whiff (yes, it is actually possible), I finally decided to pack up my clubs and slink off the range, potentially forever.

But as I put my bag over my shoulder, I noticed the guy next to me shank a ball into the woods.  Then the guy next to him dribbled the ball a few feet off the tee.  Another guy had his earphones on and was swinging away in his own world.  Nobody was focused on what I was doing.  Nobody was judging me for my failures.  Every one of them either had their own issues or were so caught up in their own routines, they weren’t interested in mine.  Yet I had launched into self-imposed isolation and nearly quit the game entirely because I perceived I was the only one who didn’t belong.  I perceived that other people were judging, watching, and staring at my failures.  The reality could not have been further from the truth!

How many times have we done this in our own lives?  At the office, we may be new or simply not as confident in our subject matter.  Everyone else seems to be an expert.  We don’t speak up in meetings for fear of being ridiculed.  We fail to share our original ideas because we sense others on the team have already thought of them.  We work in isolation so others won’t see our mistakes.  We constantly feel as though we are behind and unable to learn the material as fast as everyone else.

In our personal lives, we feel as though everyone else has it all figured out.  We must be the only ones in financial trouble.  We must be the only ones with children who struggle in the classroom.   We must be the only ones without a big house or a brand new car.  We are afraid to dress a certain way or express our individualism because we think others might be judging us.  As a result, we strive to “keep up with the Joneses'” so we can fit in.  And we make decisions based how we perceive others expect us to act.  This can have a devastating effect as we all constantly try and one-up each other.  Not exactly the recipe for a resilient life!

The reality is that nobody has it all figured out.  The most confident and put together person you know has their moments of doubt and weakness.  Most people in the office “fake it until they make it”.  People on the team are not focused on your mistakes and inadequacies because they are too concerned with their own.  Most people run into some kind of financial trouble or legal struggle at some point in their journey.  Not everyone’s child gets into Harvard or Yale.  None of us have the “perfect” life.

We will all struggle at some point.  We will all make mistakes.  That is okay.  But if we stifle our creative ideas and stop expressing our unique qualities, that is not okay.  If our lifestyle and actions are based on how others will perceive us, that is not okay.  If we are afraid to fail and stop taking risks because of what others think, that is not okay.   If we are going to live a resilient life, we must constantly move forward with the conviction that we are making the right choices for us.  Not the right choices for somebody else.

There is nothing holding you back from greatness.  You don’t need someone else’s approval to accomplish your goals and dreams.  This is your life.  And you belong.

So speak up in those meetings!  Share your crazy ideas!   Wear your skinny jeans or your Chubbies with pride!  Never apologize for your passion!  Don’t be afraid to fail in a spectacular fashion! Swing as hard as you can on the driving range and don’t worry about the judgment all around you.

The guy next to you doesn’t have it figured out either.