In the Fall of 1989, I embarked on a glorious adventure to spend my Junior Year first semester “studying” in London. My friend, Mike Kubik, and I arrived as a couple of Ugly Americans, ready to soak in the sights and explore the pub scene. On the first day in our newly adopted city, we moved into our group townhouse (flat?) with about ten other American students from different colleges. It was a great mix of guys and girls and we embraced the moment. Let the party begin!
After a few nights of revelry, one of our new friends from the second floor asked a question that has never been uttered in the Clark Household:
“Who wants to pop over to Paris this weekend?”
With no classes for another week, and dirt-cheap tickets available to mainland Europe, it was a hard offer to turn down. Five of us immediately stepped up to the challenge. And while construction had started on the “Chunnel”, it would not be completed for another five years. So we took the “D-Day” ferry from Dover to Normandy and then jumped on a train through the countryside to Paris.
Over the course of the long trip, I enjoyed several beverages and traded stories with my new friend who had suggested the trip. During that bonding time, we got to know a lot about each other, and about the rest of our new crew. It’s amazing how much ground you can cover in twenty four hours of global travel!
But in all the stories and comradery, I had failed to uncover one key piece of information. I still didn’t know his name! Somehow, I skipped over or forgotten that slight detail. And, since we had already spent so much time together, it felt incredibly awkward asking him at this stage of the game. Soon, we reached Paris and started taking in the sights. With each passing hour, it became harder and harder to be transparent and simply ask the question. I held out hope that someone else would call him by his name or he would leave his Passport open…or something! It was becoming a problem.
Alas, we met up with another buddy of mine from high school who immediately brought the issue to a head:
“Hey Rob, you haven’t introduced your friend. Who is this?”
Uh. (Expletive deleted!)
Awkward silence.
My new friend immediately looked over at me and laughed.
“C’mon, Rob, who am I?”
Then he good-naturedly stuck out his hand and “introduced” himself.
“I’m Dudley. Dudley Goar!”
How could I possibly have forgotten THAT name? It was a huge embarrassment. And I made it so much worse by ignoring the obvious and avoiding the inevitable.
And don’t we all tend to do that in our personal and professional lives?
We Have to Be Vulnerable to Grow
We have all been in these situations before. A big sale right of the gates at a new job. A massive opportunity in a new market we recently entered. A fast-moving relationship that comes out of nowhere. Immediate traction with a new sport. We find ourselves with blinders on going a hundred miles an hour chasing further success. But we have to realize, it is never too late to stop and ask questions. Sometimes, we don’t fully appreciate the steps we skip in the process. Instant success does not always translate to long-term success.
We never want to take a step backwards. And that is especially true after we have tasted success. It is hard to ask a simple question about pricing once we have closed a big deal. It is hard to go back and analyze the competition once we have conquered a new market. It is hard to ask basic questions about family once we have gotten so close with someone. It is hard to focus on the fundamentals once we have won so many games. In some ways, we feel it is admitting a weakness if we don’t have everything figured out.
But the exact opposite is true! It is never too late to admit we don’t know what we are doing. No one is going to fault us for asking a basic question. And if we don’t ask for help or admit we don’t know something, how will we ever truly become great at anything? We have to be wiling to be vulnerable. And we have to be confident enough to feel foolish at times.
Ask the Question
Problems don’t solve themselves. Knowledge doesn’t just jump into our heads. We have to actively seek out solutions. How hard would it have been for me to say: “Hey man, I know we have been hangin’ out for a few days, but I’m blanking here. Really embarrassing, but I honestly forget your first name.”
If we don’t know something, we just have to ask the question. Don’t make it harder on yourself down the line. Dudley Goar won’t hold it against you.
Rob, thanks for the good memory. Hard to believe it was over 30 years ago. You forgot to mention the trips to Ireland and the Lake District. Hope you’re well, drop me a line sometime.
—DG
Dudley! Great to hear from you, my old friend! 30 years goes by fast. I will reach out.