Many years ago, when we first moved into our house, the projects piled up like snow in a blizzard.  We had to clear trees from the backyard, redo the basement ceiling, sand the floors, and perform countless other home improvements that were far beyond my skills (which were pretty much limited to changing a light bulb).

There was a lot to juggle, and my budget was a complicating factor.  Back then, my commissions were paid quarterly and I couldn’t afford to pay for all three projects before completion.  So I made three separate deals with the tree guy, the floor guy, and the handyman.  I would pay them each a portion of their fee, with the remainder due on a specific day when I received my commission check.  Each eagerly agreed to the terms.

All three projects kicked off separately and were running smooth like butter.   Until the handyman had a meltdown.  One day, he came by to finish the ceiling job and saw both the tree guy and the floor guy working at their respective jobs.  He was incensed.  He threw nails around the basement and generally made a racket.  When I ran downstairs to investigate, he stormed toward me.

“How could you pay those other guys and not me?”

Um, let’s just everyone calm down.

“What are you talking about?”

“I see those other guys working.  Why am I the only one you’re not paying until later?  Do you think they’re better than me?”

“Those other guys are on the same program.  Everyone gets paid on the same day.  There are no side deals.”

The handyman relaxed (which I appreciated since he was holding a hammer). He was embarrassed and apologized.  He realized he didn’t have the full story.   And he knew he had made a rush to judgment.

And that is something we all need to guard against in this day and age.

Patience is the Key

In a world where we are pressured to participate in the news, and not just consume it, the rush to judgment is even more intense. As soon as information hits social media, we drool like Pavlov’s dogs.  We comment and like and debate seconds after the story hits the wire.  Facts?  Other people’s point of view?  Mitigating circumstances?  Who has time for that?  If we’re not outraged by something, we must not be trying hard enough.  Our voice must be heard! 

By rushing to judgment,  we are able to go the offensive.  News and information are processed in a meat grinder.  And we rip it to shreds before it hits the bowl. We can justify our place in the world because everyone else is in “the other camp”.  They are either fools or they are trying “to get one over on us.”  And it causes us to go off like a half-cocked handyman. Does that sound like a recipe for resilience?  News needs to be treated like a fine bottle of wine.  Let it breathe.  Soak it in.  And then slowly pour.  Patience is the key.

Nobody Has All the Answers

But with our present-day lockdowns and social distancing, that is not always easy.  Information changes quickly and we simply don’t have all the facts.  In this cauldron of frustration and uncertainty, it is easy to rush to judgment.  We don’t always account for other people’s points of view.  We don’t always assume good intentions.

Spring-breakers.  Self-absorbed Millenials.  Politicians.  Parents allowing sleepovers.  There are countless targets of our collective ire.  But we can’t judge actions in the past based on today’s information.  This situation is evolving exponentially with each passing minute, and we are all doing the best we can with the present information.   A year from now, we’ll all be 20/20 experts on what we should have done.  We’ll have all the answers.  But for now, we just have to admit we don’t know.  And we have to understand that not everyone processes information the same or acts similarly under stress.

In this crisis, there doesn’t need to be an “us” vs. “them” mentality.  We don’t need to rush to judgment.  It’s the ultimate time for collective resilience.  And resilience thrives when we assume good intentions from our neighbor.  Resilience thrives when we can see someone else’s point of view.  Resilience thrives when we take time to understand the full picture.  Resilience thrives when we realize that nobody has all the answers.  Resilience thrives when we understand we are all in this together.

Take Time to Breathe

This is no time for judgment.  This is no time to search for villains. This is no time to put everyone through the meat grinder.  This is no time to act like an angry handyman.  

Patience is not easy, but it is the way forward.  We need all of our strength.  We need all of our positive energy. We need all of our resilience.  It’s time to give everyone a break.  And it’s time to go easy on ourselves.

Open up that bottle of wine and let it breathe.  Let that steak simmer on low heat.  Relax and take this quarantine one day at a time.