Mr. Rich Drozd was a legend at Georgetown Prep High School. Prior to his untimely death in 2010, he faithfully served as an English teacher, mentor, and coach for countless students for nearly three decades.
It is difficult to pinpoint the reasons for his lasting influence. He did not have the traditional “macho” attitude nor did he try to overwhelm his class with erudite discussions. But he had an uncanny ability to relate to his students. We got the sense he was always on our side while he maintained that separation necessary to command respect. And one particular event demonstrated this tightrope act perfectly.
In my junior year, a student was struggling his way through a standard presentation. Mr. Drozd good-naturedly let the student know that his performance was “in a word, not good.” The other students laughed and exchanged harmless comments. It was the perfect place to gain critical feedback without taking yourself too seriously. Then one student from the back made a comment about the presenter’s acne. C’mon now!
Right away Mr. Drozd’s demeanor changed. He glared at the student.
“That’s not cool!”
Immediately the class fell silent. At that moment, everyone realized the student had crossed a line. The student apologized for the comment, the presenter accepted it and did not hold a grudge, and the class went on without a beat.
And at the time, it was the clearest demonstration of respect I had witnessed. Mr. Drozd created an atmosphere where everyone felt safe and the class knew he was on their side. He offered honest feedback and wasn’t afraid to drop the hammer when someone took it too far. He expertly walked the thin line between peer and authority figure.
And most of us have to walk that same thin line in our everyday lives.
Respect is a Balancing Act
As new managers, it is tempting to come in and lay down the law. But a “my way or the highway” style rarely breeds loyalty and respect from the team. At the same time, the manager must maintain a position of authority. The balancing act of empathizing with the problems of the team without stooping to smear the company or blindly agree with complaints is critical to success. Respect flows from lending a sympathetic ear without compromising our ideals.
And the same is true for any parent. We all want the best for our children. We want to provide a comfortable atmosphere and prove we will always have their back. But when they step out of bounds, we can’t be afraid to let them know. Respect doesn’t flow from always hearing “yes” and “great job”. We have to set the ship straight when they do things that just aren’t cool.
We Need to Pay It Forward
And this respect is critical to resilience. In difficult times, we search for someone who is in our corner. We yearn for someone who will give us straight answers without the fluff. And we need someone who isn’t afraid to let us know we have crossed a line. We can’t always do it by ourselves. We need inspiration, motivation, and guidance. But more than anything, we need someone who believes in us without always telling us what we want to hear.
We all have the ability to be that person for our friends, family, and co-workers. And it works both ways. The more we can help someone keep it real and stay resilient, the more resilient we become. It’s not always easy. We will have to walk a fine line. But we don’t have to start from scratch. The blueprint is out there. Mr. Drozd and countless others have shown us the way. Now it is our turn to pay it forward.
It’s all about respect.