It was another glorious weekend on the East Coast, and the perfect opportunity to get outside and play some golf (before settling into watching football and other such important weekend activities!). So I headed out to the links with a group of great friends, excited to share stories, compete, and relax. But, as we would soon find out, none of that was in the cards!
On the third hole, we caught up to the group in front of us, and had to wait on the tee box. No biggie! We were all playing well and just happy to be outside in good company. But as the round slogged on, the pace of play got worse and worse. Soon, we were (impatiently) waiting on every shot. Our quality of play plummeted (at least mine did!) and we stopped joking around and sharing stories. In short, it turned from a fun adventure into a grind.
Ever the optimists, we hoped the slower groups in front of us would pack up and head home after nine holes. So we stayed resilient and made the turn toward ten. But no such luck. If anything, it was slower. And, to add insult to injury, the players TWO holes in front of us were even worse. After nearly getting pelted by an errant shot while waiting on (yet another) tee box, we all longingly gazed toward the outdoor patio of the clubhouse. It was tempting to quit and grab an ice cold beverage. But I had visions of “ringing the bell” during Boot Camp Hell Week. Never show weakness! Never quit! Plus, we already had the sunken cost of paying for 18 holes. We had an obligation to get our money’s worth! Let’s soldier on!
But on the next hole, there were actually two foursomes waiting on the green. And another golf ball whizzed across our bow. My buddy finally spoke the words we all needed to hear.
“Let’s just quit this madness and grab a beer.”
Sir, yes, sir!
Thirty seconds later, we were on the covered patio overlooking the glorious (albeit, crowded) golf course. We relaxed, renewed our story-telling, and had a blast. And any guilt we had about leaving early dissipated quickly as the group in front of us eventually limped off the 17 hole in complete darkness. We wouldn’t have finished the round anyway!
And it provided an interesting lesson in resilience. The ability to “persevere and power through” does not apply to every situation. Sometimes, it makes more sense to cut our losses and live to be resilient for another day!
Beware of “Sunken Cost” Paralysis
The ability to step out of our comfort zone and stretch beyond what we thought possible is often a prerequisite for success. We hold these entrepreneurs, athletes, artists, and other top achievers in high regard for their fearless pursuit of excellence in the face nearly impossible odds. And why not? Persistence and grit make this world a better place and there is much we can learn and model from this type of single-minded persistence. In most cases, it is a virtue.
But is this always the case? We put so much emphasis on the sunken costs of the pursuit. The time. The money. The massive sacrifices. It would be crushing to quit. We might be just one phone call away from that big sale. One casting call away from a breakthrough role. One investor away from an IPO. ONe sincere conversation away from saving our relationship. All of this might be true, and powering through rejection and downtimes can make the difference between good and great. But there can also be a downside to blindly pursuing our goals.
What if the suffering negatively impacts our health? What if it negatively impacts our relationships? What if it negatively impacts our family life? We often encounter walls in our path and the ability to overcome them is critical. But does it do the world any good to keep beating our head against the SAME wall? We have talents and incredible gifts to share with the world. Maybe our single-minded focus is stifling our true calling. Maybe we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to pursue another path that will yield even greater success. Maybe it’s time to cut bait and fish in more fruitful waters.
Pivoting Takes Courage
So when should we “power through” and when should we quit? Unfortunately, there is no perfect answer. We know we will have to endure and persevere through discomfort. Nothing worthwhile was ever accomplished from the recliner. Success is never an easy road and we can’t wave the white flag every time we hit a roadblock. But we also have to be realistic and recognize when a pursuit is negatively impacting our finances and health. Sometimes, our grit and optimism can be counter-productive. As long as we are pivoting to our next goal, and not just quitting entirely, we will eventually come out on top.
We don’t ALWAYS achieve our goals. Not EVERY dream pans out. Sometimes, we have to ring the bell. Sometimes, we can’t get over the wall. Sometimes it takes more courage to STOP pursuing a goal so we can stay resilient for another day! And the ability to recognize this, and pivot to another goal or dream, will define our legacy.
We just have to keep moving forward. Even if that means occasionally stepping back and drinking a beer on the patio.