Nine times out of ten, we compare ourselves to people who we think are better than us, and end up feeling more inadequate. –Jack Canfield
Like most trends in my life, I was late to the dot-com bubble. I had taken a huge risk by heading out to Tinseltown to try and make it as a screenwriter. But as the millennium was coming to an end, so were my dreams of making it in the Hollywood Dream Factory. My wife and I were itching to get back to the East Coast and a more stable environment. Fortunately, a good friend, Dave Gwozdz, was at the center of the dot-com boom with a white-hot company, DoubleClick. Trading one dream and one coast for the other, we made the bold move back across the country, where I joined the legion of Silicon Alley All-Stars in New York City. Nothing could stop this dot-com boom and I couldn’t wait to ring in the year 2000.
Doh! Shortly after I arrived…pop! As companies crashed and burned all around us, DoubleClick actually weathered the storm. There was no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but internet advertising held on and the business steadily improved as competitors fell by the wayside. It was truly a great experience but, eventually, the passion subsided and I look for new mountains to climb. What other hot trends could I miss? HA!
As I mulled over my options, I consulted Dave, who had since moved on to another venture. Software sales were on fire and should have been the logical place to look, but it was a world I knew little about. And frankly, I was too intimidated to explore it further.
“Why wouldn’t you at least look at these companies?” Dave mused.
“I dunno. Those guys all know their stuff and I can’t even speak the language.”
Dave just chuckled.
“C’mon, man. It’s nothing you can’t pick up. Software sales folks drink beer like you and me.”
And that immediately gave me pause. Why was I so intimated by something I knew little about? Why did I assume everyone else knew what they were doing? Why did I think they held some secret that I could never learn? And why do we do the same in our professional lives?
Action Propels Our Dreams
In our careers, it is important to have mentors and people we want to emulate. It is important to have a goal and then plot the steps along the path toward achieving that dream. But we have to resist the negative side of comparison. We can’t put other people on a pedestal. We can’t introduce the internal dialogue of “never”. I could never do what he does? I could never be as composed as her. I could never pick up that skill. Admiration is healthy and it can lead us to pursue goals we never thought possible. But sometimes we can get so caught up in comparison, we become paralyzed with feelings of inadequacy. And once a deer freezes in the headlights, it becomes roadkill.
The fact is that skills come over time. At some point, everyone starts out green. Everyone feels overwhelmed with learning a new trade. Nobody has it figured out right from the jump. Some may learn quicker than others. Some may “fake it until they make it” with more panache. Some may have more resilience and grit. But this is not rocket science. This is something we all can handle. There is no secret formula. It’s just a matter of staying active and having the confidence to explore a path that sets us on fire.
Let’s Finish the Journey
But we don’t want to trivialize and sugarcoat the path to success. Learning new skills and taking on new challenges is full of pitfalls. We will fail and feel all alone with our dismal results. We will suffer from imposter syndrome and overwhelming inadequacy. We will question our own beliefs and moral foundation. No one is immune from the relentless voice of their internal critic. But we can’t let that stop us from taking action!
Think about the alternative. A timid life of scraping by below our potential. A life of retreading the same skills and constantly dismissing an idea or dream without testing the boundaries. A life of saying no before we even understand the question. Does that sound like the road to resilience?
It doesn’t have to be bold and grandiose. Not all of us are destined to be global CEOs or professional athletes or multi-million dollar moguls. That is not the point. But each one of us has some calling inside us. Each one of us dreams about a path to fulfillment. We have to start somewhere. And when we do, each one of us has the ability to complete that journey.
We can’t be afraid to explore new challenges. We can’t let other people’s success stop us from pursuing our own. We can do anything they can do. Software sales folks drink beer just like you and me.