All is fair in love, war, and fraternity pranks.  

Every Saturday night back in college, our fraternity would host hundreds of fun-seeking undergrads in our large common room.  The music was loud, the crowd was festive, and good times were had by all!

But one Saturday night toward the end of the semester, we noticed a horrendous smell emanating from the common room.  We tried to ignore it and carry on as usual.  We turned up the music and hoped it would go away.   But no amount of Jim Beam or keg beer could cover up the stench.  Soon, people started filing out of our section and onto the quad.  It was a mass exodus during the height of the party. The humanity.

This was a DEFCON 1 situation that required the FULL attention of the entire fraternity.  We called in the pledges to scrub every inch of the room.  We rolled in a tub of Clorox, opened the windows, and sprayed enough Lysol to kill a lifetime of germs.  We convinced ourselves we had done everything we could do to eliminate the odor.  And then we closed up the room and held our breath (literally) for the following Saturday.

Once Saturday night finally rolled around, we opened up the room and ushered the usual suspects into the party.  But the smell was actually worse.  This time would-be revelers practically jumped out the windows to flee the putrid scent.  This was a full-on disaster that demanded a completely new approach.  Sunday morning, a few of us took a blood oath (Wolf pack of one!) to find the source of the stench.

We didn’t try to cover up the smell.  We looked at the room with strategic focus.    After some quick analysis, we determined it had to be coming from the drop ceiling.  We painstakingly poked around at each tile, eliminating options.  Finally, one fraternity brother lifted up a ceiling tile with a mop handle, and an entire bag of rotten, maggot-infested fish fell down on top of him.  Bad day for him.  It was a grizzly scene.  We were witnessing the aftermath of one of the most diabolical (rival) fraternity pranks of all time.  But at least we had solved the problem!

And shouldn’t we approach the rest of our problems with the same amount of strategic focus and discipline?

Band-Aids Are Easy.  Change is Hard.

Feedback is a gift that should lead to self-improvement.  But it’s not always easy.    Perhaps we need to curb our spending habits.  Perhaps we need to be more empathetic.  Perhaps we need to improve our listening skills.  Perhaps we need to reign in some of our damaging lifestyle choices. We try to address the issues but never seem to get too far.  We read a few books.  Listen to a few podcasts.  Make it a priority for a few days, and then try to ignore it.  Worse, we blame someone else or play the victim card.  Or stand in judgment on another’s misfortune so we feel better about ourselves.    But eventually, that smell catches up to us.  Deep down, we know something is off-kilter, but we can’t seem to get to the source.

The Band-Aid approaches are relatively easy.  And they may incrementally improve our lifestyle in the short term.  But they rarely last.  Real change, on the other hand, is hard.  Real change requires discipline, introspection, sacrifice, and difficult choices.  It also requires the ability to analyze how we got into our situation and which strategic approach will solve our problems.  We will need an unrelenting focus on the source of the issue, which may uncover some truths that are difficult to face.  That is okay.  It’s not pleasant when a bag of rotten fish falls from the ceiling. But it is the only way to move forward.

Get to the Root of the Matter

Self-improvement is a constant process.  And it is intermittent and incremental, which can be frustrating.  We don’t always make dramatic progress.  We don’t often experience a cataclysmic epiphany that changes our lives forever.  But as long as we are honest with ourselves, and don’t shy away from the challenge, we will see improvement.  And as long as we are willing to face harsh realities, we will get to the source of the problems.

Life is meant to be enjoyed.  It doesn’t have to be a constant grind and we should never be shy about celebrating our victories or spending time just plain old having fun with those we love.  But it is not one big, uninterrupted party.  Sometimes, we will have to face some uncomfortable truths about ourselves.  We can’t cover it up or hope it goes away. We will need to take a strategic approach to get to the root of the matter.  It won’t be easy, but we can do it.  That is what resilience is all about.

And once we complete the hard work to remove the rotten fish from the ceiling, we can finally get back to the party.