A good friend of mine invited me out to play at his golf club last weekend.  It was a glorious day and we walked the course to savor the experience and soak in the nuances of the change in terrain.  Let’s roll!

Off the first tee, his drive was a wee wayward and ended up under a small bush about 200 yards away from the green.  I won’t tell you where mine ended up, but it wasn’t much better!  As I stressed about how I was going to advance my next shot, my friend smiled and rolled up to his ball, cool as a cucumber.

With expert precision, he choked down on a 5-iron and punched out with low heat.  The ball took off like a missile, bounced through the fairway, and nestled up snugly on the green. Do you believe in miracles?

I stood there in disbelief, thinking it was going to be a long day for me (and my wallet).

“How on earth did you hit that shot?” I wondered out loud.

My friend shrugged it off.

“I used to stress about those tough shots.  But I’ve played over 200 rounds out here.  Some good.  Some bad. Nothing scares me.  I’ve seen every shot on this course!”  

And that confidence and mindset is a staunch ally for resilience.

Resilience Requires Action

We all have dreams, aspirations, and goals, and we diligently work to make them come true.  We picture a lush fairway and a smooth swing.  But how do we react when we end up in the deep rough?  The journey to our goals is fragile.  Obstacles often seem impossibly daunting at first blush. Instead of calmly analyzing the situation, we focus on our shortcomings or the long odds and that triggers our negative internal voice.

I can’t hit that shot. I can’t compete with these athletes.  I can’t take on that company.  I can’t win that case.  I can’t land that caliber of a client.  I can’t take my idea to the next level.  I can’t change my corner of the world!

It doesn’t take much to get us sidetracked.  As much as we believe in our goals, the slightest impediment can cause us to re-evaluate.  Maybe this career isn’t for me? Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a starter?  Maybe I don’t deserve this girl or that boy?  Maybe I’m better off staying at home?  It becomes easier to take the comfortable path.  It becomes easier to pick up the ball and walk away.  But does that sound like a recipe for a resilient life?

Victory Breeds Confidence

There is no substitute for experience.  There is nothing like staring down a challenge and emerging unscathed on the other side.   But it doesn’t come easily.  We tend to romanticize the outcomes without focusing on the challenge.  Experience is not necessarily chronological.  We can spend our whole lives in an industry or stuck in a mindset without taking on any challenges.  That is just time. That is not experience.  Experience requires engagement.  And engagement can be painful.

We may embarrass ourselves.  We may lose.  We may go bankrupt.  We may flub that golf shot.  It will not be pretty.  But each time we act, the obstacle gets smaller.  Each time we act, regardless of the result, our confidence builds.  Eventually, we will taste success.  And that is a far more powerful force than fear.  That slightest taste of victory will breed confidence.  But it won’t come unless we act.  The struggle is the experience.

Keep Swinging

My friend didn’t achieve confidence and success on the golf course just by playing 200 rounds.  He did it by accepting every challenge.  He struggled through difficult lies and nasty blind shots.  He failed and flailed through rounds of unlucky bounces and near-misses.  He did not kick his ball back into the fairway.  He did not take any shortcuts. And that built unshakeable confidence.

We will see some difficult shots in our day. Many of them will be intimidating. But we can’t just walk away. We have to play them where they lie. We have to keep swinging. And soon, we will have seen every shot on the course.  Fear will not exist. And there will be nothing that can stop us!