Too often, we experience appreciation in hindsight. –The Resilient Worker
As the youngest of five kids, I was used to getting dragged around on wild family adventures. But the road trip we took from Washington, DC to Tampa, Florida in the Summer of ’77 proved to be the mother of all vacations.
Seven people jammed into an old Vista Cruiser Station Wagon, complete with an 8-track cassette player and a tail gunner seat (my preferred location). We covered the 901 miles in two grueling days and rolled into Tampa on fumes. I can only imagine what my parents must have been thinking.
The trip itself was spectacular. Water skiing off our cousin’s boat. Catching fresh scallops from the bottom of the Bay. A side trip to Busch Gardens for an adrenaline rush on the roller coasters. By the end of the week we were exhausted, and all of us, especially the teenagers, were anxious to get back home.
But my dad had one more adventure in mind. Pushing his luck to the maximum, we made a detour on the way back through St. Augustine, Florida. In retrospect, I can see the appeal. St. Augustine has major historical significance as the oldest city in the United States. And the Spanish architecture set on the coast is breathtaking. But to a car full of sweaty kids in the middle of summer in Florida, with over 800 miles separating them from their friends and comfortable beds, it was less than ideal.
We complained. We ridiculed. We rolled our eyes and marched to the brink of rebellion. Everyone, including, I suspect, my mom, was miserable. We were relentless. Finally, my dad snapped.
“Enough! Everyone in the car, now!”
Then he looked over to my mom and muttered.
“It’s not worth it!”
We had no appreciation for his idea and vision in the moment. And he was beyond frustrated by the complaining and indifference. And I wonder how many have felt the same when passionately espousing a cause. I wonder how many us have questioned whether their idea or mission was worth it?
Leadership is Lonely
We all hit roadblocks in our lives. We all feel frustrated and wonder if we are making an impact. Appreciation is elusive. The parent who gets no respect. The visionary entrepreneur who can’t raise capital. The groundbreaking coach who can’t get his team to listen. The manager whose team members have lost the faith. The community leader who can’t rally anyone to his or her cause. These moments feel isolating and lonely. At times, we want to throw in the towel and be done with it!
Passion is a double-edged sword. The same drive, enthusiasm, and optimism that compel us to lead, boomerangs on us when we fail to gain traction. It can be devastating when the world doesn’t share our vision. Especially when we see it so clearly. We will feel foolish and underappreciated. We will question ourselves and our cause.
Appreciation is Elusive But Powerful
But resilience requires us to give more when all we want to do is give less. We will rarely experience appreciation in the moment. But that can’t stop us. Imagine the reward if we listen to our gut despite the immediate negativity. It may take years, but our effort will not go unnoticed. The child who thanks their parents years later for keeping them on the right path. The player who visits their retired coach to offer appreciation for instilling discipline in his or her life. The employee who rises in the company and credits an old boss with mentoring them through a difficult period. This will keep us going.
But what if appreciation never comes? What if we lead, and give, and perform and mentor and we never hear anything in return. While not ideal, we cannot be discouraged. Why? Because we will be buoyed by knowing we did the right thing. We will be encouraged, knowing we have given maximum effort. And maintaining our positive influence and attitude will be all the legacy we need to lead a fulfilling life.
In retrospect, I fully understand my dad’s frustration. And don’t blame him for questioning if all that effort was worth it. Appreciation is often experienced in the rear-view mirror. But I hope all of us can look back on our lives with the following perspective:
Yes, it was hard. Yes, I had to endure ridicule, grief, and despair. There were times when no one else believed or appreciated my effort. But I never stopped. I kept the faith. I never wavered even in the face of enormous doubt and frustration. I believed in something bigger than myself. And I tried to make the world a better place. Even if no one else could see it at the time.
Was it worth it? Hell yeah. It was worth it!