“If You Need Help, Just Say the Words”

Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful. –Ric Ocasek

Long ago, I was a struggling assistant at Creative Artists Agency, hoping to make it in the Dream Factory of Hollywood.  But before I could see my name in lights, I had to sort through a myriad of menial tasks as part of my everyday grind.  Making copies.  Rolling calls.  Setting appointments.  It was a job that required a lot of resilience and patience.  It was also a job that required help from my fellow assistants.  Surviving and thriving at a major West Coast talent agency took a village!

On one of my first assignments, I had to track down a list of romantic-comedy screenwriters represented by CAA.  I searched on all the grids and all the internal message boards, but couldn’t find it anywhere.  I didn’t ask for anyone’s help because I wanted to prove I could do it on my own.  And I didn’t want to bother anyone.  But with the clock ticking, I was running out of options.  Finally, I swallowed my pride and reached out to Jeremy Garelick, one of the more seasoned and affable assistants.  He was rolling calls and in the weeds.

“I hate to even ask, it really pains me, but do you have a second?” 

“What do you need?” Jeremy asked.

“Are you sure you’re not too busy? I can always come back later. In fact, nevermind.  I’ll figure it out.”

I must have had a panicked look on my face (which was a common expression for me during my first couple of weeks).  I started to walk away.

“Rob, if you need help, just say the words.  It’s no problem.”

Alrighty then.  I asked Jeremy for the list.  He had it right there at his desk and made a quick copy.  Problem solved.

Jeremy was always willing to lend a hand.  But he couldn’t read my mind.  Why did I have so much trouble asking for help?  And why do so many of us have the same trouble asking for help in our work and personal lives?

Help is On the Way

In our work lives, we are surrounded by people who can help us.  We just need to say the words.  Perhaps we need an introduction to the C-suite to help close a deal.  Perhaps we need a technical explanation from someone in product development.  Perhaps we need last-minute copies made for an important case.  Perhaps we need advice navigating the changing competitive landscape.

Whatever our need, there is someone with the expertise to help.  But it is not always easy to ask.  Sometimes, we think we can gain more respect by being a lone wolf.  Sometimes, we are afraid of looking foolish.  Sometimes, our pride gets in the way.  But there is no reason to needlessly struggle!  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or incompetence.  None of us can do it on our own.  The most successful people ask for help early and often.  And they are prepared to return that help when someone calls on them in return.

Asking for Help is Courageous

Asking for help is even more critical in our personal lives.  And even more challenging.  As parents, we want to be strong and always have the answers.  As teenagers, we want to be taken seriously and embrace our independence.  As breadwinners, we want to project an air of confidence. As homemakers, we want to prove we can juggle all the tasks thrown our way.  As partners, we never want to appear vulnerable or exposed.

But sometimes, saying “I don’t know” inspires trust.  Sometimes, admitting we need advice will help us become more independent.  Sometimes, the money dries up and we need a partner to help supplement.  Sometimes, the day-to-day tasks become overwhelming and we need someone to shoulder the burden.  Sometimes, we have to open up our souls for help in order to show our strength.

Sometimes, asking for help is the bravest thing we can do.

Just Say the Words

But actually saying the words is never easy.  Why?  Because, even for the smallest ask, we are opening ourselves up to rejection.  We are showing our vulnerability. We are admitting that we can’t do it alone.  And what if no one helps?  What if we are judged and ridiculed?

That is a natural concern and rejection is always a possibility.  But saying nothing and “powering through” without assistance is rarely the path to success and happiness.  It is far more likely our co-workers will offer their expertise.  It far more likely that our inner circle will have our back.  It is far more likely our loved ones will do anything for us. We need to give them a chance to help.  And when we do, we open ourselves up to the possibility of helping them in return.

At some point in our lives, we will all need a little help.  That is okay.  We just have to say the words.