My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure. –Abraham Lincoln
Competition (in sports, in business, in life) can deliver incredible highs and soul-crushing lows. We can’t always control the outcome, but we can battle for victory and plan for success. When we fall short, particularly if we are optimists, it can take an incredible toll in the moment. But sometimes our losses propel us to future victory. This is the story of one such defeat. And the path to future victories.
In the Homecoming football game of my junior year in high school, we played our top rival in the Washington, DC area. We came in as underdogs, but firmly believed we could win. Although we battled valiantly, there was too much talent on the other side of the ball. Losing such a high stakes game was a tough pill to swallow. As we trudged off the field and into our locker room, we could hear the other team celebrating and chanting on the other side of the wall. We sat in stunned silence as the revelry continued for what seemed like an eternity. Serenity now!
A few moments later, our head coach, Jim Fegan, marched into the locker room. He knew we had given everything we had. He knew we were hurting. And he knew how to channel that feeling into success.
“I know you all want to put this loss behind you. I know it’s not easy. And we we will move on next week.”
Then he turned his head toward the doors and the ongoing celebration outside the locker room. And as he turned back toward the team, he got very quiet.
“But right now I want you to stay in this moment. I don’t want you to forget this feeling!”
40 young men nodded in solidarity. We understood. We would use it as motivation. We would not forget. We would trounce our rivals the next year. And we would not lose another game for the rest of our high school careers.
And couldn’t we use that same motivation in our work and personal lives?
We Can Build on Our Defeats
We might lose a business deal. Or make a decision that negatively impacts our career. Or disappoint a colleague. Or mishandle our money. Or let down a friend or family member. These are not proud moments. Nobody likes to fail. No one wants to see our loved ones struggle or suffer adversity. During these low moments, it is natural to try and block out the pain and forget these feelings of misery. We all want to be goldfish.
But we might be missing an opportunity to come back even stronger if we fast-forward our lowlight reel. Leaning into these negative feelings might motivate us to try harder to make better decisions in the future . Embracing the hurt might help us soak in the the joy of rebounding even more! Appreciation is something we gain through the prism of struggle. We can’t bury our emotions and try to immediately wash away the hurt. Reaching the top of the mountain is even sweeter if we recognize the time we spent languishing in the valley.
But we have to be very careful. There is a fine line between embracing our low moments and obsessing about the past. We can’t beat ourselves up for our mistakes. We can’t curl into a ball and give up. Regret, shame, and embarrassment can paralyze even the most resilient person. We have to recognize that our past does not dictate our future. We have to believe that our best moments are ahead by building on our defeats.
No One is Undefeated in Life
No career is without blemishes. No relationship is without struggle. Our path does not always extend exponentially to the stars. We have setbacks. We have losses. We fall short. No one is undefeated in life. But it is what we do with these low moments that truly matters.
We can’t be content to lose and stay down. We can’t let our setbacks define us. And we can’t strive to immediately erase the past. Resilience is not about being perfect. It’s about recognizing, and even appreciating, our losses while still moving forward toward success.
Where does the road to a championship life start? It might surprise you. Sometimes our greatest victories are sown in the seeds of our greatest defeats.