“Hell, if You Don’t Care, I Don’t Care!”

The road goes on forever and the party never ends. –Robert Earl Keen

In the Summer of 1991, I had the adventure of a lifetime.  As freshly minted college graduates, me, another college buddy, and his good friend from high school put 10,000 road trip miles on a van stretching from Washington, DC, to the coast of California and back to Mobile, Alabama.  The stories, the scenery, the camaraderie, and the memories had a profound impact on my life.  Turns out, this country is full of mystery and wonder, from sea to shining sea!

While the East Coast and West Coast were fun and exciting, the real treat came in the great Southwest.  Glorious National Parks, stunning mountain ranges, and wide-open stretches of beautiful roads at every turn.  Somewhere past Minnesota, we had settled into a comfortable pattern.  One guy drove.  The other two drank.  The next day we would switch it up.  And so it happened that one day, while cruising through the great state of South Dakota, we spotted an intriguing sign:

“Bungee Jumping 2 Miles Ahead on Right.”

How could we possibly pass that up?

We eagerly pulled over, finished another shot of liquid courage, and sprinted toward the bungee tower.  When we reached the top of the platform, the “bungee master” greeted us with enthusiasm.

“Are you boys ready to free fall?”

As we peered 70 feet or so over the edge of the platform, we suddenly weren’t so sure.  But we had come this far, and there was no turning back.  Let’s do this thing!

“I just need you to answer two questions for insurance purposes.”

Sure.  Whatever.

“Can you confirm that you personally accept any liability for any mishap that may occur?”

Sure.  Whatever.

“Can you confirm that you have not been drinking or are not impaired in any way?”

Uh.  Can we get back to you on that one?

We tried to deny it but our Jim Beam smiles gave us away.

We were crestfallen at the ominous news.  So close!   As we started to turn around, the bungee master suddenly broke into a huge grin.

“Hell, if you don’t care, I don’t care!”

Not exactly a by-the-book operation.  But while highly illegal and intensely dangerous, all three of us had incredible jumps and the time of our lives.  And though I am thankful we survived, I am even more thankful for the lesson in resilience.

If we don’t care about something close to our heart, how do we expect someone else to care?

Leadership Stems From Caring

As entrepreneurs and managers, we have teams counting on us for inspiration and strategic direction.  We have to hold everyone accountable to certain goals.  But if we are experiencing burnout, or our own motivation wanes, it becomes impossible to fake it.  Comments under the breath, body language, or absenteeism betray our outward direction.   Soon our team loses focus as well and looks for greener pastures.  And the same is true for teachers and students.  And for players and coaches.  If we lack inspiration, we can’t expect to effectively lead our teams.  Leadership is not a one-way street.  It has to be authentic.  We have to care more than the team!

And that is even more important in our personal lives.   As parents, we have to care how our children spend their time.  We have to care who they are hanging out with and what direction they are heading. If we don’t care, they won’t care! And the same is true of our friends.  And our spouse.  And our own parents.  Relationships require attention, and time, and planning. It is hard work!  But the minute we stop caring, the bond is broken.  We sense the apathy on the other side, and we either work to preserve the relationship or move on.  Both sides have to care!

It’s Okay to Focus Inward

And during tough times, it is even more important to care.  About ourselves. It is not selfish to focus on our own well-being when our world slips out of control.   We need to care enough about ourselves to admit we are vulnerable. We need to care enough about ourselves to ask a friend for support. We need to care enough about ourselves to ask for the right kind of help.

Once we stop caring about ourselves, we can’t help other people in their time of need.  That apathy feeds on itself and soon everyone in our orbit is spinning.  Resilience starts with deeply caring.  If we care enough to focus on our own health, we can bounce back.  Our motivation rebounds with our spirits, and we can now give full attention to the people in our lives who truly matter.  If we care, we can inspire our inner circle to care.

And that is how we spread resilience to our own corner of the world.