Handling Adversity With Grace

As a lifelong Washington Redskins football fan, it pains me to promote the story of a Dallas Cowboys player.  However, I must (begrudgingly) admit, Quarterback Tony Romo’s response to the media last week provided a blueprint for resiliency in all of us.  For those not familiar with the story, Tony Romo was the longtime starter at quarterback for the Cowboys.  He suffered yet another injury early this season and has been sidelined for the past ten weeks.  During that time, a young rookie quarterback (Dak Prescott) took his place and performed at a phenomenal level, leading his team to an improbable 9-1 record.  Even though Romo is now healthy and able to play, the Cowboys  named Prescott their starting quarterback for the rest of season.  What a crushing blow to Tony Romo!

But instead of whining and becoming a distraction to his team, Romo went in the opposite direction.  Yes, he was devastated.  Yes, his competitive fire still burned bright.  But he accepted the Cowboys decision and he had the rookie’s back in this moment of transition.  He fully understood what this could mean to his career but he put the team above himself.  And despite his personal anguish, he pledged his full support to the Cowboys.  How many of us could muster that same courage in our moment of adversity or defeat?

In our work lives, we face all types of changes and challenges.  We may be passed over for a promotion.  Or face a shrinking compensation plan and softer market.  Or have to compete with a younger, more aggressive teammate.  Or break in a new management team.  Or endure a radical shift in focus and company priorities.  Oftentimes, we can take these changes personally.  How could this be happening?  Why me?  What did I do to deserve this?  The easy route is to whine about how unfairly we are being treated.  Or complain about the impossibility of meeting our goals.  And, as a bonus, we will have plenty of company to share our discontent.  But while misery loves company, company should not love misery!  It takes incredible fortitude to fight against the tide of cynicism and negativity.  It takes uncommon strength to accept responsibility for our losses and move ahead to the next challenge.  Many times, it will not be fair.  Many times, we will not have control.  Frustration is a natural by-product of defeat.  But if we whine and complain without making any changes to our approach, we have legitimized our negative situation.  We have validated our marginalization.  And that only exacerbates our own misery.

It is difficult to rise above perceived injustices if we focus on the past.  However, if we handle adversity with grace and remain active and positive, we now have the power to create our own future. We now have the ability to write our own chapter of success.  And we can break the pattern of negativity through our own incredible resilience.

The same is true in our personal lives.  We  may suffer a controversial loss.  We may not be getting as much playing time as we deserve.  We may have to do someone else’s tasks and chores. We may have to pick up the slack for a family member.  We face “unfair” situations almost every day.  How are we going to react?  Do we lash out at those who defeated us and bring ourselves down to their level?  Or do we vow to improve and move on to our next great victory?  Do we sulk and complain about not getting enough opportunities?  Or do we double down on our effort and prove everyone wrong.  Do we slowly burn about someone not carrying their own weight?  Or do we display workmanlike resolve and quietly lead that person back to productivity?  It is never easy to move forward in the face of adversity.  But we must ask ourselves if complaining and whining will improve our situation.    We must take control of the future and stay productive.  We must always be a supportive teammate even in the face of adversity.  The past is the past.  Holding a grudge or protesting a defeat will not help us regain our mojo!

Whining is the least appropriate response to suffering. –Leonard Cohen

It’s not easy.  There are legitimate times when we end up on the wrong side of fairness.  But we will be judged more for how we handle the difficult situations than how we handle success.  Rise above the drama.  Take the high road in times of adversity.  Always be a team player.  We cannot waste our energy whining about our current situation.  Regardless of how we got here, it is up to us to CHANGE it.

Tony Romo does not want to be a backup quarterback.  But he understands that sulking will not change the past. He understands that resiliency starts with a positive attitude and a relentless focus on the future!

It’s Monday.  Thanksgiving is coming.  Let’s clear our heads on focus on the positive aspects of our life.

It’s also Dallas week.  Let’s go Redskins!

Until next week, keep smiling.