So, I’m just gonna rip the Band-Aid off and put it out there.  I am a terrible golfer.

I still love the competitive aspect of the game and (almost) always have fun when I can get out.  But I am neither “strong” nor “quite strong” in the scoring department.

Fortunately, in golf, there is a handicap system.  This allows average to bad golfers (like me!) to still have a shot at winning some money on the course.  The higher the handicap, the more strokes that player receives over the round.  This evens the playing field and makes it more enjoyable for everyone involved.  Usually.

What is my handicap?  Well, if you must ask, I am a 25!  This is an embarrassingly high number and one that I am not always excited to share.

One day last summer, I was playing with a buddy and two other randomly-paired golfers.  The discussion of handicaps came up on the first tee box and someone asked me for mine.

“19!” I lied.

I was too embarrassed to disclose my true handicap.  I didn’t want the other golfers to think I was either sandbagging, or worse, completely inept.  The rules were set up in my favor and I willfully put myself at a disadvantage because I was afraid what other people would think.  Definitely not a best practice!

Halfway through the round, I was playing to every bit of my 25 handicap.  My friend called me aside and asked if I was really a 19.  I told him the truth.

“You’re not good enough to have a vanity handicap!”, he snapped.

Thanks, buddy, appreciate the confidence booster! 

But point taken.  First, if you’re going to have a vanity handicap, make sure it is a single digit!  But more importantly, why did I care so much about perception?    Why was I afraid to be vulnerable?  And why do many of us struggle with the same issues in our work and personal lives?

It’s All About Transparency and Vulnerability

In our work lives, we don’t have to come out and openly admit every time we are in over our heads.  It is okay in certain situations to “fake it until you make it”.  When we are new, it is okay to “tiptoe around the green” in order to gain some credibility.  How we handle those uncomfortable moments of uncertainty can build character.

But if we are going to build lasting relationships, we have to be transparent and vulnerable.  We don’t have to know every answer.  We don’t have to be an expert on every subject.  We don’t have to handle every objection.  We live in an imperfect world and we can’t always expect perfection.

Every salesperson has lost a deal. Every partner has lost a client.  Every lawyer has lost a case.  Every teacher has failed a student.  Every coach has lost a game.  We can’t pretend we are always in control.  Not everyone is a scratch golfer!

How can we track our improvement if we are not honest about our baseline?  If we walk around with a vanity handicap, how do we measure our growth?  Progress is a beautiful thing.  But it starts with admitting we have a long way to go.  Sometimes, we have to embrace our high handicap so we can celebrate when we get down to a 19!  It’s all about keeping it real!

Progress Comes From Honesty

The same is true in our personal lives.  If we are not honest about our financial situation, how will we ever address the underlying issues?  If we pretend our children are perfect, how can we administer the discipline necessary to set them on the right path?  If we are not honest about our feelings, how will our relationships improve and grow?

Just saying everything is going to be okay, does not make everything okay.

Sometimes, we have to admit we need help.  Sometimes, we have to embrace the fact that we are lost.  Sometimes we have express our true feelings, even if it hurts.

No one expects us to be perfect.  We can’t squander an opportunity to make progress by pretending we have everything is great.  When we approach every day with transparency, we can start the honest process of improving our lives.

Where Are We Today?

Golf is a humbling game.  Sometimes a little too humbling!  But taking an honest assessment of where we stand allows us measure our journey toward greatness.  We can’t let a vanity handicap hold us back from true progress!

It is the same in our everyday lives.  It is not always going to be easy.  But recognizing we need to make changes and embracing our challenges is the only way to move forward.  We can’t get to our destination tomorrow unless we know where we stand today.

It’s time to hunker down and lose our vanity handicap.

Until next week, keep smiling!