A recent conversation recounting the number of odd jobs we all worked in college sparked a trip down memory lane. These cash-only, under-the-table jobs were a rite of passage and a source of great pride and amusement in retrospect. Bouncer. Parking ticket writer. Washer and dryer delivery. Library book organizer. Christmas tree salesmen. And one winter break, I had all of these at one time! Plus, just before school started, I added one more job to the rotation. Burrito Delivery Guy!
A friend of a friend knew someone who had started a burrito business out of her home kitchen. It was very grass roots but the demand had grown to the point where she needed someone to drive around town and deliver the burritos to customers who miraculously stumbled upon her business. Why not? Without the help of a navigation system or a phone (for that matter), I loaded up the burritos, grabbed the address and consulted my trusty ABC Maps for guidance. What could be easier?
But on my final day before heading back to school, the forecast called for ice and sleet. I needed a few extra bucks so I showed up for work hoping the weather would hold off. I made a few clean runs without incident and she needed me to make one more before (abruptly) ending my burrito delivery career. It was a huge order of sixteen burritos all the way in downtown Washington, DC. But two minutes into the trip, the sleet started coming down with a vengeance. Within seconds, the roads were as slippery as a banana peel slathered in Vaseline. This was not good.
I turned down a particularly steep hill and my car suddenly spun off the road into someone’s front yard. I tried to back it up, but the car kept sliding down the sidewalk. I tried to deliver the burritos on foot but felt like Bambi sliding across the ice. There was no way out and no phone to call for help. After about an hour of futility, I finally maneurvered back out onto the road and somehow made it to the customer. I left the burritos on the front porch and carefully made my way back to the business owner for my final payout. As I walked up the steps to her home, I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment for successfully delivering under brutal conditions. That feeling was short-lived!
“What the (expletive deleted) are you doing? Are you trying to ruin my business?”
Uh. Come again?
The customer just called and complained the burritos were cold and you were 90 minutes late. If this wasn’t your last day, I’d fire you!”
I was speechless. Literally. Clearly she had no regard for my safety. But worse, she jumped to conclusions and did not assume good intentions. And, if we are to stay resilient, that is a trap we all have to avoid in our work and personal lives.
Things Are Not Always As They Appear
Think of the unnecessary conflicts and pain caused by assuming the worst in people. When we are quick to accuse and slow to listen in the workplace, it creates a recipe for disaster. Perhaps sales are down because there is something off the rails in that employee’s personal life? Perhaps the client is upset because of unreasonable and irrational expectations. Perhaps the product is failing because there is no demand in the marketplace. Not everyone is slacking and stacked against us. We always have to have the backs of our own employees. We have to first assume good intentions and listen with empathy. Then we can take action and move forward.
And the same is true in our personal lives. Our teenagers may make plenty of wrong decisions, but we still have to hear out their explanation. Our spouse may have a lot going on at work which might explain a distant demeanor. Our friends may be drowning in their own issues which might explain their lack of contact. We don’t always know what is going on in someone else’s head. Especially for our loved ones, we have to give them a break. We have to assume good intentions!
Slow Down and Listen First
But what happens when we assume good intentions and get burned? Let’s face it, employees can slack. Teenagers can lie. Spouses can be distant for no reason. We can all be selfish at times. It’s okay to ask questions and push and strive for excellence. But we can’t default to cynicism and accusations. We have to start with trust and an open mind. Then we can react from there. That is the key to creating a resilient culture.
All indications might point to the fault of an employee, a co-worker, or a loved one. But we have to slow down, listen, and stay calm. Don’t yell at the burrito delivery guy. He might just have a perfectly plausible explanation.