When dealing with people, you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion. –Dale Carnegie

I recently connected with a new business colleague, who graciously invited me to his company’s suite for the highly anticipated Chicago vs. Washington NFL game last week.  As a lifelong Washington fan, I couldn’t wait to see our incredible rookie quarterback in action, and I circled the date on my calendar.  While I was giddy with anticipation,  I also knew this was business, and it would be a bad look to show up in my Dexter Manley jersey and rabidly focus entirely on the game.  Time to keep those emotions in check!

Many of the people in the suite had not met before, so we exchanged pleasantries, discussed business, and got to know one another.  And while we were all a little more subdued than the average fan, we struck a healthy balance between networking and enjoying the game.   Toward the end of the contest, we had all learned more about each other’s business interests, and now solely concentrated on the field below.

Chicago scored the go-ahead touchdown with 25 seconds left, and only a miracle could save Washington.  With two seconds left, Washington had time for one more “Hail Mary” heave, and the entire suite huddled together as if we had known each other for years.  Washington’s rookie quarterback scrambled around for what seemed an eternity before hurling the ball over sixty yards downfield.  Time stood still.  The ball popped into the air. And Washington came down with the most incredible, last-second touchdown catch in the history of the franchise!  Bedlam!

This particular group of business colleagues lost their minds.  Virtual strangers earlier in the day, we were now splayed out in our business attire in a huge dog-pile on the floor of the suite.  I had two “colleagues” in a headlock as we screamed at the top of our lungs at no one in particular.  It was a great reminder of the transformative nature of sport. We will all remember where we were for the Hail Mary, and we will forever be bonded together by the history and hysterics of a single play.  But it also underscored the importance of shared experiences and emotions in building relationships.  None of us apologized for our behavior.  We were emotional and intrinsically human in that moment.  And that is exactly how we build deep relationships in our work and personal lives.

We Have To Be Genuine

There are many approaches to building relationships, and what works for some, may not work for others.  Not all of us are outgoing and gregarious.  Not all of us are comfortable wearing our hearts on our sleeves.  But regardless of our disposition, it is difficult to make a meaningful connection if we do not share our authentic selves.  Logic and product knowledge are helpful.  A good understanding of the business landscape and client needs will move a deal forward.  A transparent approach is always appreciated.  But relationships drive business.

Perhaps we genuinely apologize for a mistake.  Perhaps we share something personal about our hobby or family life.  Perhaps we demonstrate our outsized passion for a particular project.  Perhaps we express our vulnerability surrounding a difficult decision.  Perhaps we create a shared experiential outing away from the boardroom.  It’s all about making connections and finding common ground.  People do business with people they know, like, and trust.   Teammates bond when they are emotionally invested in one another.

We have to go beyond surface discussions.  We have to dig deeper with our questions.  We have to be human and real.  And sometimes that means opening ourselves up to second-guessing and judgment.  But as long as we are genuine, we can establish a connection.  As long as we stand up for our team, we can earn loyalty in return.  As long as we have our client’s interests at heart, we can weather any storm.   Relationships don’t always have to go smoothly.  But they will drive outcomes and take on significant meaning when each side displays emotion and authenticity.

Emotion Wins the Day

But showing vulnerability and expressing genuine passion doesn’t always translate to establishing meaningful relationships. Sometimes, we simply don’t click with our teammates. Sometimes, the personal differences are too great with our clients. Sometimes, we put our heart on our sleeve only to see it crushed with indifference.  That is okay. Sometimes we have to get burned to truly appreciate the power of a genuine relationship.

But if we are going to lose, let’s go down swinging with our true character on display.  If we are going to win, let’s win with emotion and authenticity.  Sometimes, the ball gets batted down and we all cordially shake hands and walk away.  But sometimes miracles happen, and we all end up in a giant dog-pile!