One of the most beautiful qualities of a partnership is to understand and to be understood. –Seneca

Legendary college basketball coach Charles “Lefty” Driesell passed away exactly one year ago today, on February 17, 2024.  I was with my wife visiting my daughter in Barcelona, and the news hit me in a surprisingly profound way.  Years earlier, after a resilient pursuit of an interview (“Chasing Lefty!”), the mercurial and charismatic coach finally sat down with me to discuss his life and the meaning of resilience. (“Lefty Driesell: Faith, Family, and Basketball”).  That conversation sparked an unlikely friendship that held great meaning for me toward the end of his life.

So as the sun rose on the beautiful beach in Barcelona, I thought about how I could pay tribute to this great man. Lefty was a graduate of Duke University and spent a meaningful chunk of his coaching career at the University of Maryland.    I fumbled through my wrinkled travel wardrobe to find the most appropriate outfit. As fate would have it, I unearthed a Maryland quarter-zip and a Duke visor, and proudly walked out into the streets of the City of Counts.

We had an action-packed day full of sightseeing and revelry, and I wasn’t looking to call attention to my outfit.  It was just an understated way to honor a legend.  And I certainly didn’t expect anyone to recognize or acknowledge the nod halfway around the world!  But as we strolled through the Gothic Quarter, a stranger stopped me on the cobblestone street.

“He was a great coach, huh?”

Huh?

“Lefty.  I assume you’re wearing that to pay tribute.”

Double huh?

I couldn’t believe it.  After my initial shock, we ended up bonding over all things related to college basketball in general, and Lefty in particular.   It was such a trivial and random recognition but it had such an outsized impact.  Why?  Because when someone sees us as we are, when someone truly gets us, it is a gratifying feeling.  And depending on the connection and the context, it can truly change our lives.

Understanding and Appreciation

The desire to be seen and understood is a fundamental human need.  It helps us feel valued and cared for, and promotes a sense of belonging and connection.  And it doesn’t have to be dramatic.  Perhaps a boss recognizes our extra effort.  Perhaps a colleague appreciates an e-mail.  Perhaps an employee shows support for a difficult decision.  Perhaps a customer recognizes an obscure reference to a movie quote (nobody ever gets mine!).  Connection can come in many different forms.  But it starts with understanding and appreciation.  And that slight acknowledgment and tip of the cap can imperceptibly build strong relationships.  And that can help fuel any team to incredible success!

We don’t need to seek out this recognition.  We don’t need to pout or complain if our actions go unnoticed.  We are not putting in the effort or taking action to solicit positive affirmation.  The work, the dedication, and the commitment provide their own rewards.  But doesn’t it feel good to be understood and appreciated?  Isn’t it nice to feel a connection?

Connection Matters

And when the tide turns against us, this connection and affirmation is even more mission-critical.  Perhaps we made a mistake.  Perhaps we feel outside the inner circle.  Perhaps we are facing financial turmoil or compromised health. During these times, our resilience reservoir runs low and we can feel isolated and invisible.  It may seem as if these times will go on forever.  But the slightest recognition by a colleague or a loved one can immediately buoy our spirits.  The simplest acknowledgment can have an exponential impact on our productivity and happiness.  We need to be on the lookout for these connections, large and small, across our community.  Because everyone benefits when we are seen and appreciated.

I would have been perfectly satisfied if no one had recognized my low-key tribute to Lefty.  That wasn’t the point.  But it sure heightened the connection when someone respected the sentiment.  And the same is true for all of us.  There is nothing greater than feeling accepted and understood, regardless of where we are on our journey in life.  This powerful truth can reach us anywhere.  Even in the cobblestone streets of Barcelona.