Fifteen years ago, I was on the business treadmill, traveling constantly and racking up a hundred plus nights a year on the road. At the time, I was living in Washington, DC but working for a company headquartered in Conshohocken, PA, just outside of Philadelphia.  When I wasn’t visiting clients on the West Coast, I would take the train up to 30th Street Station and cab over to our headquarters.

On one such trip, I spent two days locked up in a conference room in Conshohocken discussing some high-level “strategery”.  But I had a hard stop at 3pm on the final day of the trip.  My son, who was 5 years old at the time, had some event, and I needed to catch the 5pm train in order to get back in time that evening.  But, as Murphy’s Law would suggest, I hit an unusual amount of heavy traffic as I snaked down the Schuylkill Expressway toward downtown Philadelphia.  With each passing minute, I could feel the stress building and the sweat running down my back.  Was I gonna miss this train?

As soon as the cab pulled up, I sprinted into the station and hustled over to the ticket counter. A thousand thoughts raced through my head.  But mostly I was agonizing over the thought of missing this mission-critical event.  Let’s go!  Finally, I secured the ticket and raced down the stairs of 30th Street Station to the train platform.  I was frazzled and completely out of breath, but my spirits lifted when I spied the train.  Disaster averted.  I made it!

As I was about ten steps away, the doors to the train shut.  What?!  I banged on the windows as hard as I could.  I shouted expletives at the top of my lungs. I pointlessly ran alongside the train as it pulled out of the station without me.  In a final fit of fury, I slammed my briefcase down on the concrete platform floor, shattering my laptop. Serenity now!

To the average commuter, I must have looked like a complete lunatic.  But in my mind, this was the most cataclysmic event in modern history.  How would I ever recover from this horrific tragedy?  Would my family ever forgive me?

And now, fifteen years later, I can’t even remember what event I missed.  My son and wife have no recollection either, and it certainly has not driven a wedge in any of my relationships.  It was a big nothing burger.  In fact, the only thing I remember about it is my epic and childish meltdown!  And that provides some much-needed perspective for all of us.

Time Heals Most Wounds

In the moment, we tend to blow things out of proportion.  And we are our own worst critics.  When we make a mistake, when we let someone down, when we feel the everlasting sting of disappointment, it seems we will never be able to recover.  But we have to take a step back from the situation.  Fifteen years from now, will anyone even remember this?

That mistake at work.  That lost client.  That missed opportunity.  That wrong turn.  That dropped pass or missed goal.   That botched meeting.  That thinly disguised insult.  Is it worth having a meltdown?  Is it worth beating ourselves up?  The prism of time has a way of shrinking that MAJOR devastation into a MINOR bump in the road. And the only thing we will remember is how we handled the situation.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we should be cavalier about our disappointments.  We can’t always just shrug them off and say “Oh well!”  But a little perspective in the moment is the key to leading a resilient life.  Knowing that this isn’t the end of the world will allow us to recover quicker.  We will see the letdown as a minor hurdle we can overcome rather than a devastating blow that will haunt us forever.   And reacting with grace rather than rage will only hasten the recovery.

Empathy Goes a Long Way

We all want to be present and support the people we care about.  We strive to show up as our best selves and we don’t intentionally make mistakes.  But we all have bad days.  We all have made decisions we wish we could take back.  We have all missed a train or two in our day!  But we have to keep it all in perspective.

There are certain moments and events that stick with us forever.  Weddings and funerals.  A life-changing accident.  Having someone’s back when it truly matters.  But most events do not pass the time-travel test.  Fifteen years from now, will it truly matter?

We have a lot going on these days. Empathy goes a long way in difficult times.  But first, we have to show a little empathy toward ourselves.  Let’s give ourselves a break.  And let’s breathe a little easier and relax.  Nobody wants to see a raging lunatic on the train platform!