A bad neighbor is as great a calamity as a good one is a great blessing. –Will Rogers

When you live in a small neighborhood and decide to have a big party, it takes a village to keep the train on the rails.  So, with a high school graduation celebration planned at our house, I hit the pavement to alert the neighbors to our impending soirée.  I knocked on twenty doors, talked to eighteen neighbors, and told each of them to call me if the noise became an issue.  It seemed the decent (and practical!) thing to do.

For the most part, everyone understood the situation and was very understanding.  Our next-door neighbors stepped up and supplied the power cords and electricity for the band.  Let the games begin!

As the party gained steam, I received a call from another neighbor “asking” me to keep the noise down.  No problem.  Thanks for calling.  We’ll tone it down.  I never heard another word and assumed everything was under control while the party rolled (a little too) late into the evening.

The next morning, as I shook off symptoms from the Irish flu,  I noticed a missed call and voicemail on my cell phone.  It was the same neighbor who had suggested I keep the noise down.  This time, she was a tad more direct.  And the call had come in about two hours after her initial call.  Yikes.

I mulled over my response.  The party had already happened and there were no noise complaints or other issues.  I strongly considered ghosting an apology and going about my business.  I only saw this neighbor a couple of times a year and we weren’t particularly close.  It would be very easy to ignore the elephant in the room and pretend it never happened.

But after sitting on it for a day, I came to my senses.  Just because I could ignore it, doesn’t mean I should ignore it.  My wife went out and bought a plant.  I wrote up a nice apology card and walked it over.  I expected some drama.  Some cursing.  A scene.  Frankly, I was dreading it and almost dumped the plant in the sewer and headed back home.

But when I knocked on the door and apologized, the neighbor shocked me.  She smiled broadly and exclaimed she was so happy I had come over.  When I handed her the plant, she broke out into tears of joy.  Tears!  I was the one in the wrong and she couldn’t stop thanking me.  A weight I didn’t even know existed was lifted from my shoulders!

If I had ignored the voicemail, my life really wouldn’t have been that different.  It would have been awkward when I saw the neighbor, but the feeling would have eventually dissipated.  But addressing the situation head-on was life-changing.  And the same is true for all of us in our work and personal lives.

Avoidance is Not the Answer

We can’t avoid the unpleasant conversations and interactions in our everyday lives.  Apologizing for our boorish behavior.  Offering direct feedback to a team member or colleague who is not performing.  Facing the wrath of a customer who has not received proper service.  Addressing an athlete who is losing playing time.  Confronting a friend who has wronged us.  Placating a family member who is rebelling against authority.  These situations are uncomfortable and anxiety-ridden.  It is tempting to bury our heads and keep everything surface.  But there is an elephant in the room.  And somebody needs to talk about it!

It is easy to say but harder to do.  These are not life-or-death decisions. But the longer we delay, the more it will eat away at our relationships.  And the more isolated and closed we will become.

We Need to Weather the Storm

These conversations are difficult. And they don’t always go smoothly.  Sometimes, we have waited too long to apologize and there is built-up anger and resentment.  Sometimes, we are dealing with a volatile personality.  Sometimes, we simply have to take our medicine.  Taking responsibility and addressing the elephant in the room doesn’t always lead to smiles and tears of joy.

But regardless of the outcome, it is the right thing to do.  And even if we have to weather a short-term maelstrom, we will be able to sleep at night.  We will feel the weight of dread lift from our shoulders.  And we will be better prepared for our next difficult conversation.  Practice makes perfect!

It’s Never Too Late

I made a mistake by missing that voicemail.  And my initial reaction of avoidance and delay almost cost me a relationship and additional anxiety in my life. I dreaded the conversation. But ultimately I was able to apologize and address the elephant in the room.

What difficult conversations have we been avoiding in our own lives?  What apologies have we swallowed and buried?  I know this is not easy. But it’s never too late.  Let’s talk about that elephant.