Confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is ACTION! — Mel Robbins
Almost eight years ago to the day, a good friend called me and posed a simple question:
“Are you a motivational speaker?”
It was an interesting query. I had contemplated putting together a speaking practice for years. I now had content from my blog and had created a compelling framework, but to date had not delivered any corporate talks. However, that did not stop me from emphatically answering the question.
“YES I AM!”
The power of saying yes is compelling. And with that, I diligently prepared for my very first paid speaking gig!
When the big day arrived, I was understandably nervous, and several unproductive questions ran through my head:
What if they discover I am not a professional?
What if I embarrass myself?
What if I embarrass my friend?
And perhaps the most terrifying of all…
What if I forget my material in front of a live audience?
But fear is a great motivator and my preparation paid dividends. I delivered a smooth, albeit lackluster locution, and walked away slightly more confident in my abilities. And, since I was officially a motivational speaker, I received more offers and earned more “at bats” in front of the microphone. I made small mistakes and tweaks along the way. But with each delivery, I became more and more confident and felt less and less like an imposter. I knew I belonged. I knew I was a professional who was not going to embarrass myself or my client. But I still couldn’t shake the anxiety of forgetting my lines on stage!
This sinking feeling plagued me for years. Then a few months ago, after delivering hundreds of speeches in all kinds of settings, my very first client called me back for a repeat performance. I was so excited to prove how much I had grown as a speaker, and was eager to pay them back for showing so much faith in me. After an inspired opening, I launched into the heart of my material, more confident than ever. But in my transition out of the first section, my mind went completely blank. I had no idea what to say next and could hear my heartbeat in my ears. My worst nightmare had arrived like a lion!
But a funny thing happened. A calmness suddenly washed over me. I had delivered this speech so many times, I simply skipped to the third section. Then I circled back to the forgotten second section and finished the speech on a high note. My audience was none the wiser and I received a standing ovation for the effort. It was a seminal moment in my speaking career. There is nothing more empowering than living out our biggest fears and then staring them down with grace and confidence.
Action is the Only Answer
Too often we become paralyzed by the specter of failure. We rationalize our inaction and protect ourselves from getting hurt. We don’t stretch for that promotion because we might get passed over. We don’t launch our company because we might lose our savings. We don’t pursue our dreams because we might get publicly embarrassed. We don’t reach out to a loved one because we might get spurned. Our lack of confidence dictates our actions and the outcomes are inevitable. This bubble-wrap mentality keeps us small and stuck.
There is no substitute for repetition, hard work, and activity. We don’t build confidence by thinking about our goals and dreams. We don’t build confidence by watching other people execute. We don’t build confidence by studying the perfect game plan. We build confidence by doing! Every worthwhile pursuit requires us to get out of own heads and take action. Action slowly melts away imposter syndrome. Action allows for adjustment and improvement. Action instills an invisible safety net that cushions our fall when we take the inevitable misstep. Action is the only answer.
We Got This!
But what if our worst fears come true? What if we take action and fail on an epic stage? What if we take a chance and lose everything? What if we get rejected and ridiculed? No one goes through life unscathed. But most of the time, the anticipation of an outcome is far scarier than the outcome itself. And that fear of future failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of mediocrity.
Resilience requires us to quiet the doubting voice inside our heads. And the more we say YES, the more we practice and execute, the more confident and successful we become. Every active step forward prepares us for the moment when our worst fears come true. And when that moment arrives, it may come in like a lion, but it will go out like a lamb. We have been here before. We have done this a thousand times. We got this!
There is no outcome that will keep us down forever. We just have to keep moving forward with confidence.